October is SIDS awareness month! At Square 1 Therapy, we understand the complexities that arise when parents and families experience SIDS. From the feelings brought about by the police investigation to working through parental or sibling grief, the experience can be extremely distressing. It is imperative that parents and the wider family unit have a strong support system in place during such a tumultuous time. A grieving period following SIDS is normal, along with feelings of guilt and anger that may arise.

Interfamilial support

Families affected by SIDS are actively encouraged to be as open and honest about how they feel with each other. The loss of a child can cause rifts within the family dynamic and open communication is recommended, especially if some members feel guilt or blame. Some families find that counselling can help to open the channels of communication so that everyone feels that they can express themselves and be heard.

Support Groups

It can be comforting for those affected by SIDS to speak to and share their experience with others who have gone through a similar situation. Although friends and family wish to be supportive, it can be difficult for others to understand the pain and gravity of the situation. Here in the UK, there are a multitude of local and national support groups along with chat rooms dedicated to SIDS bereavement.

Some individuals benefit from counselling and psychotherapy to cope with the grieving process after losing an infant. Relaxation and self-help may also benefit those affected by this very sensitive bereavement.

Your grieving process

Each and every individual grieves differently. It is important for you to take your time and navigate your new normal in the way you feel is right for you and your family. Finding coping mechanisms and expressing your emotions (both positive and negative) will be advantageous to your mental wellbeing. Your grieving process may take years and in the time following your loss finding the support from those that understand is paramount.

At Square 1 Therapy, we are not just Psychologists, we have SIDS specialists here to help, support and assist you in working through your grieving process.

If you or someone you know is dealing with a SIDS bereavement, get in touch with Square 1 Therapy’s bereavement services today.

Duncan, J. R., & Byard, A. W. (2018). Sudden infant death syndrome and early childhood death: the past, the present, and the future. Adelaide, AU: University of Adelaide Press.

Since I started practicing relationship therapy over 15 years ago, lots of couples have said to me “when our relationship is good it’s great, but when things are bad, they’re awful.”

From my experience, most of the problems that couples face are based on communication, or the lack of it. As relationships progress, a lot of people tend to fall into a communication pattern or style which can be very hard to break as time goes on. Some communicative dynamics are positive and beneficial, while others can be very destructive to one or both people. Once a problematic or dysfunctional pattern has been formed, it can become so engrained that most couples can predict exactly how an argument will start, develop, and conclude. Despite this realisation, it can take many years of disagreements, or even the disintegration of the relationship before any real progress is made. If this sounds familiar, you may have found that you have fallen victim to the dreaded communication trap. There are lots of different types of communication traps, but the end result is usually the same. Hurt, emotional distance, shame, and anger. Here are two common destructive interaction styles, and some tips about how to avoid them.

Round and round we go

This style is when each person participates in a vicious cycle of contradicting and offending the other, whilst perpetuating the disagreement. Whilst engaging in this harmful pattern of communication it is difficult to establish possible resolutions, as neither person is willing to consider their partners perspective. In this case, either person can end the disagreement by reconsidering their response. Listen, wait your turn, and change the narrative. Any topic change can be useful at this point, to reframe the direction of the conversation.

Reactivity

This is a rapid fast response communication style where one or both people rush in to make their point before the other person has finished speaking. Sometimes, this can occur in a harmless way when both people are engaged in a passionate or excited conversation, but it can also lead to a communication trap when there are high levels of reactivity in any dynamic. In this case, try not to blame the other person, and perhaps take some time away from the conversation to calm down. It might be beneficial to make a pact with your partner before an argument ensues, where you both agree on ways to prevent this from happening in the future. You could use phrases like “I can feel myself getting upset and I’m finding it difficult to hear your point of view right now. Can we try and have this conversation again later?” The response to your partners cool-off request should always be “yes”, to avoid falling into a communication trap.

You may find yourself thinking that these suggestions are stating the obvious, and unlikely to resolve a communication issue in a relationship, but you would be surprised at how effective they can be. Sometimes, it is important to go back to basics in a relationship and re-establish the foundations of a healthier interaction. There are of course many other communication styles and traps that couples and individuals may succumb to.

If you would like to find out more about a specific issue or go into more detail about the one’s in this post, contact a Square 1 Therapist today. Our relationship experts are highly qualified to assist you in your pursuit of more meaningful and reciprocal relationships.

The long-awaited anticipation of Christmas and New Year have long since passed, and we are met again by January’s familiar call for resolutions and goal setting. For most of us, setting new year’s resolutions mean lots of different things; whether we are hoping to secure that new job, take up a new hobby, or start a new exercise regime, there seems to be no apparent reason why some stick, and others are disregarded almost immediately.

There are a few different strategies that you can try to make sure that your new goals last longer or become a permanent fixture in your life. These things are sure to help in the long term, as they’re founded on psychological research based on motivation, temptation and achievement. Here are Square 1 Therapies digest of 3 important findings that could help that New Year’s resolution stay around till next December!

Plan for moments of temptation rather than responding to them as they happen

If you have ever tried to give something up, you’ll know just how arduous and all-consuming this can be. Whether it’s skipping an exercise class or allowing that screen time to creep back up, it can sometimes feel impossible not to give in. Most of us would agree that our ability to avoid these temptations resolves around whether we can exercise self-control in that moment, which some of us are better at doing than others. Maybe not! A recent study shows that goal progress and maintenance is more achievable with proactive planning rather than reactive strategies of self-control. Put simply, we are more likely to succeed at our goals if we take some time while setting them to predict any factors that could get in the way, and plan for the negative urges before they arise.

Allow yourself the opportunity to lapse

Doesn’t it feel awful when you finally think you’re getting into the swing of things, and then out of nowhere you start to fall back into old habits. This is one of the biggest reasons why people tend to give up completely, as they feel so disheartened when they slip up. Planning lapses in our new habits/resolutions can actually help you to become more likely to achieve your goals in the long term. How? Well, following a strict regime, especially a new one can give rise to feelings of failure when they struggle to incorporate it into their lives all the time. This mounting feeling of despondency and shame will affect our motivation, which in turn, decreases the likelihood of sustaining the new habit in the long term. The trick is to plan for every eventuality, even the bad ones! This will leave you feeling more prepared to resolve and overcome any hurdles in your resolutions and result in a higher chance of success.

Find an accountability partner

There’s a reason why a lot of people choose to go to the gym with friends that has nothing to do with the sociability. Having a person/people who you are accountable to, means you are more likely to stick to your new goal for a longer period of time. People in teams have a much greater sense of commitment to a shared purpose and are therefore more dedicated to their joint venture. So, if you think you could be prone to negating on those promises you made to yourself, find yourself an accountability partner and team up with someone else. It’s not a failsafe measure, but it will definitely help. Good luck!